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WIT & WISDOM - December 15, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair. - Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: CHRISTMAS GOLD Chicago, Illinois, 1996 - A Christmas tradition dating to 1982 continued in Chicago this week when an anonymous donor dropped a gold coin into a Salvation Army kettle. The 1996 1-ounce U.S. gold coin - with a denomination of $50 but actually worth about $370 - was deposited in a kettle on North Michigan Avenue on Monday, Salvation Army spokesman Robert Bonesteel said Wednesday. A gold coin was dropped in a kettle in the same spot last year, he said. The Salvation Army first found a gold coin in a kettle in the northwestern suburb of Crystal Lake in 1982. Except for a couple of years in the late '80s, at least one gold coin has appeared in a kettle every year since. Last year, more than 25 gold items, including 16 1-ounce coins, were found in kettles, Bonesteel said. They brought about $6,500 at auction. Salvation Army officials believe a single donor was responsible for the early contributions and then others copied it. WhiteBoard News for Friday, December 06, 1996 [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: A QUIZ: Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 10 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! 1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? 2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills have been taken? 3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? 4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? 5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? 6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? 7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? 8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? 9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? 10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? ANSWERS: 1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days. 2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour. 3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between am & pm. 4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2. 5) 9 live sheep. 6) The match. 7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole. 8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 9) None. It was Noah, not Moses. 10) YOU are the driver. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said". Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing". As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?". "It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!", to which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"! [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: A pre-trial hearing took place recently in Lamar, Mo., on Joyce Lehr's lawsuit against the county for injuries suffered in a 1993 fall in the icy, unplowed parking lot of the local high school. The Carthage Press reported that Lehr claimed damage to nearly everything in her body. According to her petition: "All the bones, organs, muscles, tendons, tissues, nerves, veins, arteries, ligaments . . . discs, cartilages, and the joints of her body were fractured, broken, ruptured, punctured, compressed, dislocated, separated, bruised, contused, narrowed, abrased, lacerated, burned, cut, torn, wrenched, swollen, strained, sprained, inflamed, and infected." - Chuck Shepherd, Universal Press Syndicate [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Charles Powell via DailyQuote c1997 [2] (Joseph Harper via Keith's Mostly Clean Humor [3] (Joke Review [4] (TheImses and Mike Craymer via Have A Nice Day [5] (Wit & Wisdom, Feb. 1996) |