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WIT & WISDOM - January 18, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. - Eleanor Roosevelt [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: WHERE GOD AIN'T!!!! - Author Unknown He was just a little lad, and on the week's first day. He was wandering home from Sunday School, and dawdling on the way. He scuffed his shoes into the grass; he found a caterpillar; He found a fluffy milkweed pod, and blew out all the "filler." A bird's nest in a tree o'er head so wisely placed on high, Was just another wonder that caught his eager eye. A neighbor watched his zigzag course, and hailed him from the lawn; Asked him where he'd been that day, and what was going on. "I've been to Bible school, " he said, and turned a piece of sod. He picked up a wiggly worm and said, "I've learned a lot of God." "M'm a very fine way," the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time." "If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime." Quick as a flash his answer came! Nor were his accents faint. "I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you'll tell me where God ain't!" [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: DO YOU RECOGNIZE THESE WELL KNOWN ADAGES? Part 2 of 2 10. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid. 11. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles. 12. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion. 13. The stylus is more potent than the rapier. 14. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers. 15. Surveillance should precede saltation. 16. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim. (not a proverb) 17. The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation. 18. Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow. ANSWERS: 10. Don't cry over Spilt Milk. 11. Those who live Glass Houses should cast no stones. 12. Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child. 13. The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. 14. You cant teach an Old Dog new Tricks. 15. Look before you leap. 16. Twinkle twinkle little star. 17. One who laughs the last, laughs the best. 18. All work and No Play makes Jack a Dull boy. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: One day, a girl walk to her mother and look at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why is some of your hair white mom?" The mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, "Momma, how come ‘all' of grandma's hairs are white?" [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Most recent numbers indicate that 52 percent of all marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for FIRST marriages is about 37 percent. The divorce rate for SECOND marriages is about 63 percent. The divorce rate for THIRD marriages is about 78 percent. - Your odds of succeeding are far greater if you stick it out with the one you got. - The divorce rate for couples who "pray together regularly" is ONE out of 152. [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Charles Powell via E-zine: DailyQuote c1998 [2] (Sharon Unger) [3] (Chalapathi Rao Poduri via E-zine: Original Joke of the Day [4] (Jeff Nickerson via E-zine: Bill's Punch Line [5] (E-zine: Sermon Fodder |