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WITandWISDOM(tm) - December 31, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "If you cannot find happiness along the way you will not find it at the end of the road." (E-zine: DAILY BITS http://www.DailyBits.com ) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: A PRAYER FOR YOUR FUTURE - Author Unknown May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-endocrinologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your gynecologist, your plumber and the IRS. May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise. May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space. May Friday evening, December 31, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the new year ahead. You will find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night. May you wake up on January 1st, finding that the world has not come to an end, the lights work, the water faucets flow, and the sky has not fallen. May you go to the bank on Monday morning, January 3rd and find your account is in order, your money is still there and any mistakes are in your favor. May you ponder on January 4th; How did this ultramodern civilization of ours manage to get itself traumatized by a possible slip of a blip on a chip made out of sand. May we relax about the future and realize that we still have a long long time until we pass, by which time the computer is long since obsolete and so are we. May God give you the strength to go through a year of presidential campaigning, and may some of the promises made be kept. May you believe at least half of what the candidates propose, and may those elected fulfill at least half of what they promise, and the miracle of reducing taxes and balancing budgets happen. May you be awe struck by God's sense of humor as you wrestle with the possibility that a professional wrestler could become president of the United States. May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues. May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, and may your check book and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity. Amen. Submitted by Hannelore Dill, Sarah Stanley ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: (Read to the tune of "Gilligan's Island," more or less) Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date. Two digits for a date. Main memory was smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. "Four digits are extravagant, So let's get by with two. So let's get by with two." "This works through 1999," The programmers did say. "Unless we rewrite before that It all will go away. It all will go away." But Management had not a clue: "It works fine now, you bet! A rewrite is a straight expense; We won't do it just yet. We won't do it just yet." Now when 2000 rolls around It all goes straight to @#%&, For zero's less than ninety-nine, As anyone can tell. As anyone can tell. The mail won't bring your pension check It won't be sent to you When you're no longer sixty-eight, But minus thirty-two. But minus thirty-two. The problems we're about to face Are frightening, for sure. And reading every line of code's The only certain cure. The only certain cure. [key change, big finish] There's not much time, There's too much code. (And Cobol-coders, few) When the century is finished with, We may be finished, too. We may be finished, too. Eight thousand years from now I hope That things weren't left too late, And people aren't then lamenting Four digits for a date. Four digits for a date. (E-zine: THE FUNNY! LIST Mailto:owner- funny@peak.org ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: The formula for a happy marriage? It's the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it. - Jay Trachman (E-zine: MONDAY FODDER Mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder) ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Past Forward: To be the first country to enter the year 2000, Kiribati, an island nation in the Pacific, moved the International Date Line. (Braxton Hagele) |