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WITandWISDOM(tm) - August 29, 2003 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr., "A Hero in Every Heart" (Thomas Nelson) Source: Reader's Digest, Copyright (c) June 2000, http://www.readersdigest.com/ ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Love Tech Support: Yes Ma'am, how can I help you? Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process? Tech Support: Yes I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first? Tech Support: The first step is to open your heart. Have you located your heart Ma'am? Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running? Tech Support: What programs are running Ma'am? Customer: Let's see, I have past-hurt, low self-esteem, grudge, and resentment running right now. Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase past-hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of it's own called high self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off grudge and resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off Ma'am? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until grudge and forgiveness have completely erased. Customer: Okay done, Love has started installing itself. Is that normal? Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other hearts in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "error-program not run on internal components." What should I do? Tech Support: Don't worry Ma'am, It means the Love program is set-up to run on internal hearts but has not yet been run on your heart. In non-technical terms, it means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others. Customer: So what should I do? Tech Support: Can you pull down self-acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-self; Realize your worth; Acknowledge your limitations. Customer: OK, done. Tech Support: Now copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete verbose self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal? Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang-up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it's various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you. Author Unknown Submitted by R. P. Cly ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: Children's Humor What Do You Get When You Cross... A fawn with a hornet? Bambee. A canary with a mole? A miner bird. A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip. A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck. A duck with a steamroller? A flat duck. An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar. A spider with a rabbit? A hare net. A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops. An owl with a goat? A hootenanny. A termite with a house? An exterminator. A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie. A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger. A gorilla and a sheep? A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too long. Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: During a tour at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, a New York City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in a pot on her apartment balcony. Another tourist asked her how she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would die if over watered. "I subscribe to the Tucson newspaper," replied the New Yorker. "Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my plant some water." Source: Pulpit Supply, mailto:pulpit-supply-subscribe@strategicnetwork.org ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Chesterfield, England (Ananova): A suspected thief found himself in a hole when he fled a crime scene and ran straight into a police golf tournament. The 30-year-old sped across the 13th fairway to hide, but was instead confronted by 20 off-duty policemen. They spotted the suspect dashing towards undergrowth and gave chase after a police helicopter circled overhead, at the course near Chesterfield. A police spokeswoman said: "The officers were taking part in a golf tournament when they saw the man dashing across the course. "He seemed to be acting suspiciously and once the force helicopter was seen overhead, four of them gave chase and detained him." The officers detained the suspect at Tapton Golf Course in the incident last week until a police car arrived to take the man to a local police station. Police confirmed that a man has since been charged with burglary and theft and has been remanded in custody by magistrates in Chesterfield. Source: White Board News, http://www.joeha.com/whiteboard/ |