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WIT & WISDOM - September 2, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: He who endures with patience is a conqueror. - Unknown [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE - Part 1 of 2 1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 2. Memorize your favorite poem. 3. Don't - believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. 4. When you say, "I love you", mean it. 5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. 6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 7. Believe in love at first sight. 8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. 9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. 10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. 11. Don't judge people by their relatives. 12. Talk slow but think quick. 13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?". 14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 15. Call your mom. 16. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. 17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions. 19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. 22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills will be as important as any other. 23. Spend some time alone. [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: AMAZED & CONFUSED: Part 2 of 3 Kids write the darndest things in essays. Here are some excerpts of sparkling prose from this year's Oregon writing assessment tests - with corrections - courtesy of the Portland Public Schools. - Alicia di Rado, OREGONIAN, 1997 Grade 8 and 10 If you want to make a lot of money without doing anything we got government jobs. Live every day to the fullest, because its not stated anywhere that you're promised tomorrow. The town might be ideal for me if I was 40 or 50. It would be a nice place to slow down, retire, get older and die. I enjoy nature, but don't worry, I'm from Oregon and I'm not an environmentalist. Classic literature is just another way of saying "boring old books." A kid can get board in Boardman. I guess that's how it got its name. Everyone respected Timothy, he was a 20-year-old walking muscle. We have an old sled my mom got when she was a kid so it's an antique. The available activities in Coos Bay usually involves either killing an animal or a few billion brain cells. Personally, I'm up for neither. Right now, I'm failing a couple classes, but who cares I'm a journalist. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull. The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder. Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just vunce?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street." At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally said, "OK, here's da message: "COMFORTABLE". [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: In the cold depths of the ocean, an unusual kind of ice called methane hydrate forms. It is heavier than water, and if it is brought up to the surface it quickly decomposes into methane and liquid water. During this process, it is highly flammable! Methane hydrate ice forms when methane gas seeps up from underneath the ocean floor. It combines with water into a crystal structure that resembles ordinary ice but contains a large amount of trapped methane. Undersea outcrops of methane hydrate sometimes support a unique community of pink polychaete worms. The two-inch-long worms burrow through the ice, probably eating bacteria that feed on the methane. For a picture of a methane hydrate deposit, visit ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Inspiration a Day! [2] (NoahsArk45 via The Funnies [3] (Barbara Henry) [4] (Joke A Day [5] (The Learning Kingdom |