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~~~~~~~ WITandWISDOM™ - April 15, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "Ain't no man can avoid being born average, but there ain't no man got to be common." - Leroy "Satchel" Paige (E-zine: INSPIRATION A DAY! Mailto:jhinds@technologist.com) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: It was a rainy night in New Orleans; At a bus station in the town, I watched a young girl weeping As her baggage was taken down. It seems she'd lost her ticket Changing buses in the night. She begged them not to leave her there With no sign of help in sight. The bus driver had a face of stone And his heart was surely the same. "Losing your ticket's like losing cash money," He said, and left her in the rain. Then an old Indian man stood up And blocked the driver's way And would not let him pass before He said what he had to say. "How can you leave that girl out there? Have you no God to fear? You know she had a ticket. You can't just leave her here. You can't put her out in a city Where she doesn't have a friend. You will meet your schedule, But she might meet her end." The driver showed no sign That he'd heard or even cared About the young girl's problem Or how her travels fared. So the old gentleman said, "For her fare I'll pay. I'll give her a little money To help her on her way." He went and bought the ticket And helped her to her place And helped her put her baggage In the overhead luggage space. "How can I repay," she said, "the kindness you've shown tonight? We're strangers who won't meet again A mere ' 'thank you 'doesn't seem right." He said, "What goes around comes around. This I've learned with time - - What you give, you always get back; What you sow, you reap in kind. Always be helpful to others And give what you can spare; For by being kind to strangers, We help angels unaware. - Author Unknown (Carol Blum) ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: ASSORTMENT OF ONE-LINERS I think that if Aliens ever visit earth, we should act superior to them; I mean, sure they can travel through space faster than the speed of light, but I bet they don't know even one good blonde joke. - Adam Ashe When I was a child and got dirty, my mother would spit on a handkerchief and use it to clean the dirt off. I guess in her mind, muddy and disgusting was better than just muddy. - David Sigmon I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep. - Jeff Ayers For others who may not know this: When the preacher says, "You may now kiss the bride," he's only speaking to the groom. - David Gunter I ran out of ice cream bars the other day, and I cried. Then I remembered Alexander the Great, and how he wept when there were no more worlds to conquer. How very much alike we are, I thought. - Michael Thompson There are twelve months in the year. That's kind of cool, because it makes life a little more predictable. - Brian Auten Why not drink a whole bottle of battery acid, and THEN get swallowed by a python? Boy, the joke's on him! - Barbara Rush If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet?? - Robin Alumbaugh I think having "MEN" and "WOMEN" signs on bathrooms is a bad idea, because if aliens thought those rooms held standard specimens and went in to record data, they'd get some pretty bizarre examples. - A.V. Scherpe If I ever make it on Wheel of Fortune, I'm sneakin' in my own vowels under my jacket. No way I'm gonna pay $250, especially for a "U". - J.P. Styskal I don't mind taking a risk, as long as I know everything will turn out okay. - Barbara Rush And I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings. And I HATE people like that! - Tom Lehrer There's no time like the present. But a couple of minutes ago probably bore a "striking" similarity. - Lev L. Spiro (E-zine: MONDAY FODDER Mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air . . . . . . "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied . . . . . "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice. . . . . "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an important radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?" (E- zine: FAST EDDIE'S FUNNIES http://recommend-it.com/l.z.e?s=154533) ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: A Reno, Nev., drugstore guard grabbed a man for allegedly walking out without paying for merchandise. The guard tallied the haul at $254. In Nevada, the theft of merchandise worth more than $250 is a felony. But the suspect said the bottle of cologne he'd allegedly swiped was on sale. It was. That dropped the total cost of the goods to $248.16, making the charge a misdemeanor. - Ivan Weiss, August 01, 1998, Copyright © 1998 The Seattle Times Company (E-zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR http://hostigos.otherwhen.com/mailing_lists.html#MCHAWLIST) |