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~~~~~~~ WITandWISDOM™ - May 11, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: How to live a long life. - - - Keep booked. - George Burns (Charles Powell via E-zine: DAILYQUOTE c1999 http://www.dailycast.com) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: NO CHARGE By Shirley Ceasar My little boy came into the kitchen this evening while I was fixing supper. And he handed me a piece of paper he'd been writing on. So, after wiping my hands on my apron, I read it, and this is what it said: For mowing the grass, $5. For making my own bed this week, $1. For going to the store $.50. For playing with baby brother while you went shopping, $.25. For taking out the trash, $1. For getting a good report card, $5. And for raking the yard, $2. Well, I looked at him standing there expectantly, and a thousand memories flashed through my mind. So, I picked up the paper, and turning it over, this is what I wrote: For the nine months I carried you, growing inside me, No Charge. For the nights I sat up with you, doctored you prayed for you, No charge. For the time and the tears, and the cost through the years, No Charge. For the nights filled with dread, and the worries ahead, No Charge. For advice and the knowledge, and the cost of your college, No Charge. For the toys, food and clothes, and for wiping your nose, No Charge. Son, when you add it all up, the full cost of my love is No Charge. Well, when he finished reading, he had great big tears in his eyes. And he looked up at me and he said, "Mama, I sure do love you." Then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote, PAID IN FULL. "No Charge" was written by Gospel singer Shirley Ceasar. It was also a country song produced by Howard-Sony Tree Publishing Co., Inc. and sung by Melba Montgomery. ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: AVIATION 101 - (Part 2 of 2) [Pt 1: 4-30-99] Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain. Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse. Son, I was flying airplanes for a living when you were still in liquid form. It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune. A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle. Remember, you're always a student in an airplane. Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs. You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots! Things which do you no good in aviation: Altitude above you. Runway behind you. Fuel in the truck. Half a second ago. Approach plates in the car. The airspeed you don't have. Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is. Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all those trips. Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw! (E-zine: NEW HUMOR Mailto:ListManager@NewHumor.com) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good - why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?" (E-CHEER, An Excellent Daily Devotional ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: 88% of kindergarten students got this riddle within 5 minutes, while only 17% of Stanford seniors did. See how you do! What is greater than God More evil than Satan Poor people have it Rich people need it If you eat it you will die If you must here is the answer: Answer is: "Nothing" (E-zine: JOKES EVERY DAY Mailto:jokesubscribe@jokeseveryday.com) |